ARC: The Most Powerful People Skill Ever Discovered

“Without affinity, there is no reality or communication. Without reality, there is no affinity or communication. Without communication, there is neither affinity nor reality. Now, these are sweeping statements, but are nevertheless very valuable and are true.” — L. Ron Hubbard

By using ARC, you can significantly improve your relationships at work and at home, find new friends, make more sales, negotiate better deals, lead your group more effectively and help more people. You will be selected as the best person for promotions at work, big contracts for your business, dates or whatever you want most from life. Using this tool gives you more self-confidence, greater peace of mind and an improved view of yourself.

Part One in this series explains how the ARC Triangle works and how you can increase the amount of ARC you have with someone.

Part Two explains how you can repair upsets you have with others. Few things are more devastating than breaks in ARC.

Part 2: How to Repair Breaks in the ARC Triangleangrycouplemodel 2748342 1280

Whenever you feel upset with someone, you have a broken triangle or an “ARC break.”

Every argument, fight, divorce or disconnection includes an ARC break. Everyone who once liked you and now seeks revenge against you or hopes you fail has an ARC break with you. ARC breaks can last for years.

Ten Examples

In all ARC breaks you feel negative emotions: grief, depression, anger, revenge and so on.

  1. You get fired with no warning nor any explanation.
  2. Your friends suddenly ignore you. Your imagination runs wild as you have no idea why.
  3. Your spouse wants a divorce. All divorces start with big ARC breaks.
  4. Your parents cut you out of their will because of your life choices.
  5. Your boss cuts your pay while giving raises to your coworkers.
  6. Someone you love suddenly dies.
  7. Your dinner companion spends more time texting with others than talking to you.
  8. You send an important email to someone who never replies.
  9. You discover a critical, false online report about you.
  10. Your best friend suddenly gets angry for no reason and tells you, “Go to hell!”

almos bechtold AJ Mou1FUS8 unsplashFortunately, you can repair all ARC breaks. You do not need to suffer because of upsets with people in your life.

“The ARC break will vanish magically when the source is found.” — L. Ron Hubbard

You simply find and restore the broken point of the triangle. When did the upset begin? Which point of the triangle had a sudden drop?

Did you suddenly dislike the person (A)?

Did you have a disagreement (R)?

Did you have a communication problem (C)?

Once you spot the problem, you can repair it. When you fix it, the sun shines, the birds sing and everything goes back to normal.

Four Success Stories

1. Fred, an old friend of yours, suddenly sounds strange on the phone.

He doesn’t say much and won’t talk to you. You think back and try to determine if the problem is with A, R or C.

You ask yourself, “Did we suddenly dislike each other? No. Did we disagree about something? No. Did we have a communication problem?”

You realize you forgot to return Fred’s call last month (a break in communication) so you say, “I’m really sorry I didn’t call you back last month.”

Fred suddenly says, “Yeah! Call me when I leave a message so I don’t have to come over there and throw eggs at you, okay?” You both laugh.

2. Your accountant calls and says, “I’m sorry, but I made a mistake. You need $10,000 by the end of the week to pay your taxes or you’ll get a $5000 penalty.”

You say, “You idiot! I don’t have that kind of money. How could you do this to me!” You hang up. You feel betrayed. You decide the accountant is an enemy and that you should not talk to him again.

Later, you still feel upset. You try to feel better, but you cannot. So you examine the problem to determine if the break in the ARC triangle is A, R or C.

You realize the problem is not that you dislike the accountant, but that you disagree with the unhappy reality of owing taxes. This break in the R point of the triangle makes you want less communication. Of course, the A or Affinity point dropped as well.

Now that you know the problem is a break in reality, you calm down and decide to handle it. You call and say, “Sorry I hung up on you Peter, but the news was a shock to me. You need to explain this as it’s so unreal to me.” Within seconds, you and your accountant work out a solution.

3. One afternoon, while talking to your business partner in your office, she suddenly stops talking.three friends

You ask, “Are you okay?” She says, “Fine. I have to go.” You say, “Are you sure? Don’t you want to talk about the new client?” She says, “No, I’m going now.” She walks out. You are confused.

A few hours later, you try calling her, but can only leave a message. You send a text which she ignores. You send an email and get no reply. You are baffled and starting to feel upset. You certainly have an ARC break!

You decide the problem is with the Communication corner, so the next day, you barge into her office and say, “Sorry, but I’m really concerned and need to talk to you, okay?” She’s startled, but says OK.

You then review her actions yesterday and ask, “So is there a reason you didn’t want to talk to me?”

She says, “Oh, sorry, my old dog was getting surgery yesterday and I was running late to go get her.”

You realize there is no ARC break here. You say, “Ah, how is she?”

4. Your contract negotiations with Pam have been making progress, but your last offer makes her so mad she breaks off the meeting and storms out.

Without your knowledge of ARC you might give up on the deal.

Instead, you look over the situation and evaluate the ARC. Which point is the most damaged? You realize the R or reality point went bad as no one can agree. How can you repair this break in reality?

You could raise the communication point by trying to call, but that does not seem appropriate. You could send a cheerful greeting card to increase the affinity, but that doesn’t sound right either. You want Pam to realize there are more points of agreement than disagreement.

So you email a list of the many points of agreement already established. You ask her call you when she is ready to complete the negotiation.

Your telephone rings 10 minutes later. Pam starts the conversation with an apology.

Action StepsA graphic image of a triangle with the word affinity on one corner reality on one corner communication on top corner

1. Are you currently upset with anyone?

 

2. If so, which one of the three points of the ARC triangle do you think is broken? Is it broken because you dislike the person? Because you disagree with the person? Because you failed to communicate with the person?

 

3. How could you repair the break? What steps could you take?

 

4. Take those steps today!

 

5. Repeat the above four steps for other people you may be upset with.

 

6. Repeat with anyone who may be upset with you.

 

7. Repeat with anyone in your past with whom you wish to rekindle a relationship.

 

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Read “ARC Part Three: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships.”