ARC: The Most Powerful People Skill Ever Discovered

Part Three: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships

Wouldn’t it be great if you could form new friendships with nearly everyone you met? If you could make people like you right away? If you could quickly earn their kindness, respect and support?

For example, you could get strangers to agree with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen to you. You could earn respect from your coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family. You could even start romantic relationships?

You can do all of these things with ARC.

How to Use ARC to Break the Icefriends 5178664 1280

The easiest place to start is with the communication point of the ARC Triangle

“The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree.” — L. Ron Hubbard from The Problems of Work

For example, you want to form a business relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch and he accepts. Once you sit down, what do you say?

1. Silently find something you like about the owner. You look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have some affinity for him. This step is done in two seconds.

2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, “I can’t stand the heat either, but my wife loves it.” He says, “My wife likes it too. Something is wrong with them.” You both laugh.

You ask questions to find something with which to agree. “How is your business going? Can you tell me what you like most about this type of business?” “What do you do for fun? Do you have any children?”

Maybe you learn he loves his challenges at work, has trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father’s health. You also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it. Your ARC with the business owner goes up.

Creating New Business Contactswoman red briefcase

You are waiting for your flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps her red briefcase.

So you say, “Nice briefcase!” She smiles and nods. A small amount of affinity is established. You then find something with which she can agree. “Are you from Chicago?” She starts to communicate. You find points of agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.

When you attend business or social functions, you can make several new contacts with the ARC Triangle. Simply walk up to someone, find something you like about him or her, then discover a point of agreement. “What do you like best about these gatherings?” “What is your opinion about _____(the meeting topic)_____?” “What business are you in?”

Starting Romantic Relationships

If you are single and want to meet someone new, these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if you feel shy.

For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore. He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you like, such as this person’s hair, shoes and voice.

You suddenly feel less shy. You then find something with which you can agree. “I need a good magazine. Which ones do you like best?” “I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have you seen this one?”

Starting Friendships with Anyone

You can use this formula to form relationships with people who are different than you. Say you get on that airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with hamburger onion breath.

You follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You then find something with which he can agree. “Where did you get that great shirt?” “What do you like to do after school?” “That is quite a tattoo you have.”

Before long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for the flight.

Recommendations

1. List all the people or types of people with whom you want to form a relationship.

 

 

 

 

2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each of them.

 

 

 

 

“The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Give it a try!

Read “ARC, Part Four: How to Use ARC in Sales and Negotiations.”