The Power of a Fresh Start

Nothing can ruin your success faster than personal conflicts. Upsets between business partners or battles between bosses and staff can ruin productivity, reduce income and build up stress.

Most people have good intentions, most of the time. They want to get along, do their work and succeed. Yet personal upsets can make good people seem like bad monsters.

How Do You Deal with Personal Conflicts?

Imagine you get promoted to a management position at work. You now have five employees who answer to you. Four of them are supportive and friendly. Yet the fifth person, Dick, is a problem.

Dick is not cheerful with you. He smiles around his coworkers but frowns and gets serious when you show up. He never looks you in the eye.

One day, a customer complains about Dick. After you make the customer happy, you call Dick into your office. You say, “So what happened with that customer?”

Dick says, “He’s just a jerk. Take his side if you want. I don’t care. I’m going back to work, OK?”

What Do You Do?

1. Let Dick leave your office and pretend there is no problem?
2. Get angry at him and chew him out?
3. Plead with him to be nice to you?
4. Demand he tell you what is wrong?

A Better Approach

The real problem may be that you have not formed a working relationship with Dick. You need to apply the Non-Existence Formula so your relationship can have a good, solid existence.

“The Non-Existence Formula is:

“1. Find a comm [communication] line.

“2. Make yourself known.

“3. Discover what is needed or wanted.

“4. Do, produce and/or present it.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Since you already have the communication line as Dick is sitting in front of you, you can now do steps 2 and 3.

You say, “Dick, before we deal with this customer, I’d like to get our relationship off to a good start. As you know, I’m now in charge here and you are working for me. What do you need or want from me as your boss?”

Dick looks startled. “What do you mean?”

“I want to know the best way to work with you. What do you need or want from me?”

Dick shrugs and says, “Okay. I like to know what is going on. For example, nobody told me you were taking over.”

You say, “Oh really! That’s not good. I’m sorry no one told you. As your new boss, I’ll be happy to tell you what’s going on. I have no secrets. What else do you need and want from me?”

Dick relaxes and says, “I like to handle customers myself. If a customer complains, I’d like a shot at handling him before you step in. No one lets me do this.”

You say, “No problem. From now on, when a customer complains, I’ll give you one chance to fix the problem yourself.”

Dick starts to look interested. “I want to go to lunch at 12:30 instead of noon. I want a little more air conditioning. And I want someone to listen to my new ideas of how we can make more sales.”

All of this is fine with you.

You say, “Now let me tell you what I need and want from you. I need a daily update on what you are doing. I want you to beat your own sales records. I also want you to be friendly to me. Can you do these things?”

Dick’s eyes sparkle as he says, “No problem!” He smiles, sticks out his hand and you shake on it.

You and Dick then discuss the customer complaint. Dick says he’ll call him and make sure everything is okay.

Dick gets back to work and tells a coworker, “No one from management has ever asked me what I wanted. We might have a good boss here!”

Ten Great Uses of the Non-Existence Formula

1. You start a new job of any kind. You meet with everyone you will be working with individually. You tell each of them about your new position and ask what they need or want from you. As you deliver these needs and wants, you quickly take control of your job.

2. You are in a conflict with your boss. You realize neither of you are doing what the other needs or wants. You arrange a meeting (comm line) and do the next two steps. “Joe, as your newest employee, I want to do a perfect job. Can we go over specifically what you need and want from me?”

With a coworker you say, “Jill, we’re stuck with each other. I think we should work things out so we get along. What do you need and want from me as your coworker?” “Can I tell you want I need and want from you?”

3. You want to be hired for the perfect job. During the job interview you ask. “If you hire me, what will you need or want from me?” Since no one else has asked, the boss is a little startled by the question, but really enjoys answering it. You explain how you can deliver these needs and wants . . . and more. You get the job on the spot.

4. You want to rent a building space or apartment, but there are several other applicants who also want the space. So when turning in your application, you ask the landlord, “If you select me as your tenant, what will you need and want from me as my landlord?” The landlord thinks it over and tells you her needs and wants. No one has ever asked her and she’s delighted someone cares. You assure her you can deliver. You are selected above all other applicants.

5. You want your boss to sell you a partnership in his company. You say, “I think you have a great operation here. If you were going to sell a partnership, what might you need and want from a partner?” The boss starts to think about it and mentions a few things. You start to do things he would need from a partner. After a while, he makes you an offer to become a partner.

6. You’re dating someone and want to take your relationship to the next level. You find out what this person needs or wants from a mate. You decide if you can do those things or not. If you can, you start to deliver. He or she feels a strong attraction to you and wants to take the relationship to the next level.

You also make it clear to this person what you need and want from the relationship. You observe if he or she can do those things for you. If not, you break it off. If he or she can deliver, you go for it!

7. Your marriage is not going well. You ask your spouse, “I want us to have a really good relationship. I think we need a fresh start. Do you agree?”

If your spouse agrees, you ask each other, “What do you need or want from me as your spouse?”

8. Your child is starting in a new school. You visit the school and ask the teacher, “What do you need or want from me?” “What do you need and want from my child?” Your child starts off on the right foot.

9. You are constantly looking for the needs or wants of your customers. For example, a superior Uber driver not only finds out the passenger’s destination, he asks, “Are you comfortable? Would you like to see today’s newspaper? Can I tell you anything about our city?”

An electronics store does the same thing by surveying its customers every month to find out what they want to buy. An orthodontist asks each new patient for his or her needs and wants before starting the first exam. A computer programmer asks users what they need or want from their computers.

Any successful person or business constantly finds out what its clients or customers need or want. And delivers them.

10. You want to form a great relationship with the new leaders of your group. You say, “Hi. I’ll be working under you as the ______ and want to know what you need and want from me.” As a result, you will get the best treatment from the new leader.

Do you know anyone with whom you should apply these four steps, to establish or improve your work or personal relationship?

Additional Study

In addition to the Non-Existence Formula, there are nine other step-by-step formula you can follow to improve any condition of your life. Take this free online course to learn more about the Non-Existence Formula as well as these other nine formulas.

Another TipsForSuccess article you can use to improve your people skills is “The Power to Make People Happy.”