Gift Giving
As a child, were you given a gift and then given orders of how to play with it?
Were some of your possessions never actually controlled by you?
Are some of your current possessions controlled by someone else, not you?
“When you give a child something, it’s his. It’s not still yours. Clothes, toys, quarters, what he has been given, must remain under his exclusive control.
“So he tears up his shirt, wrecks his bed, breaks his fire engine. It’s none of your business.
“How would you like to have somebody give you a Christmas present and then tell you, day after day thereafter, what you are to do with it and even punish you if you failed to care for it the way the donor thinks? You’d wreck that donor and ruin that present. You know you would.
“The child wrecks your nerves when you do it to him. That’s revenge. He cries. He pesters you. He breaks your things. He ‘accidentally’ spills his milk. And he wrecks the possession on purpose about which he is so often cautioned. Why?
“Because he is fighting for his own self-determinism, his own right to own and make his weight felt on his environment.” — L. Ron Hubbard
For example, you give your son a new bike and he leaves it out in the rain that night. If you say, “I’m taking away your bike because you can’t take care of it,” he makes the rest of your day miserable.
If instead, you put your son in control of the bike, everyone has a happy day. “It’s your bike, but you might want to keep it in the garage at night so it doesn’t get stolen. But do whatever you want.”
Giving Control to Adults
The above fact is also true with adults and explains why some people get angry.
For example, Bob the Boss hires Fred to clean his office. Bob says, “Hey Fred, I was watching how you hold your mop. Both hands should be in the middle of the handle, not one on top, okay?”
Every morning is like this.
Bossy Bob says, “Fred, another thing. Our floors are all white and your black shoes might leave marks, so wear white shoes tomorrow.”
“Fred, the way you empty the garbage cans is inefficient. Instead of doing them one at a time, do them all at the end of your shift, okay?”
Bossy Bob never really gives the job to Fred.
One day, Bob the Boss comes in and sees a dirty office. He sees “I QUIT” in black marker on the bathroom floor. He says, “You just can’t get good help these days.”
As another example, your friend loans you some money to buy a car. But your friend then insists you buy a certain car, tries to control how you drive the car and so on. When the car won’t start, your friend gives you even more orders.
As a result, you secretly hate your friend and dislike car. You vow to never borrow money from him again.
When you give a job, an education, an innovative idea, money or any kind of gift to someone, let them control it. Everyone will be happier.
Nobody wants strings attached.