Why People Don’t Like You
Do you ever wonder why certain people avoid you?
Or why you have arguments or misunderstandings?
Or why you lose friends?
One likely reason: You Have a Bad Listening Habit.
A bad listening habit is like having bad breath. Because you can’t smell your own stinky breath, you have no idea why you are unpopular.
Fortunately, eliminating bad listening habits is easy.
10 Bad Listening Habits
1. You pretend to listen.
Example: You nod and smile during a conversation but then ask a question that was clearly answered earlier.
“Oh, wait, I thought you said something completely different.”
2. You avoid a topic.
Example: Whenever someone tries to discuss important issues with you, you change the subject or make a joke to avoid a serious conversation.
“Let’s not ruin our day with that, okay? How about some Netflix?”
3. You have selective hearing.
Example: Your coworker mentions needing help, but you pretend you did not hear what she said. You prefer to only hear what you want to hear.
“Did you say something? Never mind, I think I see Kim over there.”
4. You’re always preparing your response.
Example: While someone shares their feelings, you mentally rehearse your response and miss their entire point.
“Wait a sec, I have a completely different thought about that.”
5. Cutting in.
Example: A friend starts telling you about their weekend, but you interrupt immediately to talk about something more exciting that happened to you.
“Sorry, but I have to interrupt you to tell you what I did last night.”
6. You space out during conversations.
Example: Midway through someone’s story, your eyes glaze over as you daydream. You make them feel unimportant and ignored.
“What’d you say? My mind wandered.”
7. You turn conversations back to yourself.
Example: As your brother tells you about his recent struggles, you space out and think about your own problems.
“That’s not so bad. You should hear what I’M going through.”
8. You over-analyze everything as you look for hidden meanings.
Example: Someone declines your invitation, and instead of accepting their reason, you assume it’s personal and become offended or distant.
“Why not help me? Is there another reason you’re not telling me?”
9. You listen with a negative attitude.
Example: You show your impatience or irritation which makes others uncomfortable and hesitant to talk to you.
“Yeah, sure. Is this going to take much longer?”
10. You’re a story topper.
Example: When someone shares an achievement, you immediately share a better one of yours, making them feel less important.
“Your hike sounds fun, but did I tell you how I climbed Everest?”
What is a Good Conversation?
“A conversation is the process of alternating outflowing and inflowing communication.” – L. Ron Hubbard
You need to not only do the talking (outflow) you must also listen (inflow).
How to Listen Like a Professional
“Happiness is power and power is being able to do what one is doing when one is doing it.” — L. Ron Hubbard
You become popular when you listen to each person with no other thought in mind. Make good eye contact. Get completely focused. Do nothing but listen.
You say to yourself, “Right now, there is not one thing more important than truly understanding this person.”
You might be astonished with the results:
- People seek your advice.
- You make people feel happier.
- When you have something important to say, people listen.
- You become as popular as you wish.
- You get what you want because people like and trust you.
- You have new personal power.
It’s like you have eliminated your bad breath!
Recommendations
1. Notice how people listen to each other this week. Notice who has bad listening habits and how they are then treated.
2. Deliberately use one or more of the 10 bad habits and see how people react.
3. For the next two weeks, give 100% of your attention to everyone you have conversations with. Understand what they say exactly. Notice their reactions, and enjoy the benefits.
Learn more about succeeding with good communication, watch this video.