How Sheila Handled the Office Bully
Sheila dashed through the office doors, breathless and anxious. Her gaze darted around, scanning for any sign of Randy, the towering bully who thrived on her fear. Luckily, she didn’t see him.
But as soon as she sat at her desk heard him come in. She knew what was going to happen next.
“SHEILA!” Randy yelled. He was standing above her pointing to his watch.
“You’re late again. I expect better from you,” Randy sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Sheila swallowed hard, her voice trembling. “I-I’m sorry, Randy. It won’t happen again.”
Randy half-closed his eyes to look like an evil predator. “Right, we’ll see about that.” He then punched her desk, which he liked to do. She felt like he had hit her in the face.
“You need to finish my report, and you’d better not tell anyone you wrote it. Any questions, Sheila?”
Her heart sinking, Sheila said, “OK, no questions.” Her every step burdened by the weight of her terror. She was Randy’s puppet, dancing on his cruel strings.
But one sleepless night, in the darkness of her fear, Sheila stumbled upon a beacon of hope—a TipsForSuccess article called “How to Handle Difficult Situations.” It described a five-step system to conquer workplace bullies. She devoured the words, with determination taking root within her soul. She felt a clear spark of courage.
As Sheila thought about using the steps with Randy, she decided it was time for a showdown with the beast.
Enough was enough!
How Sheila Prepared to Handle Randy
Sheila spent several hours working out the steps she would use with Randy, based on “How to Handle Difficult Situations.” The more she wrote, the more she realized just how nasty Randy is to her and others. She thought, “If management knows the facts, Randy will be in big trouble.”
The idea of facing him, directly and by herself, kept her up at night. She told herself, “If I’m going to get through this, I MUST do it on my own. He’s not the only bully in the world and if I can confront and handle bullies, my future will be much better.”
Sheila imagined all types of scenarios of what might happen when she faced Randy. “He might scream louder. He might do all he can to ruin my life. He even might punch me!”
As she figured out how she could prepare for and handle these scenarios, she reduced her fear and increased her courage. She thought of buying a stun gun, “just in case,” but decided her pepper spray would be good enough. She thought, “I’m sure I’ll never use it, even if he hits me, but it makes me feel better to have it ready to go.” This made her laugh.
Read Sheila's Five Steps Worksheet
Sheila’s Five Steps Worksheet
Sheila wrote the following, based on the five steps in “How to Handle Difficult Situations.”
Situation: Randy, a bully at work, is difficult for me to face. He demands I do things I know are wrong, but I do them anyway as I’m afraid of him.
- Decision
- I imagine Randy being respectful all the time. I see how my days can be more enjoyable without fear. It’s wonderful!
- I decide to go through these steps to prepare for a meeting with him. I see myself handling him.
- Plan
- Situation: Randy makes me do things I know are wrong because he scares me. I should not feel afraid of anything at my work.
- Goal: Randy no longer makes me afraid. He no longer controls me with fear.
- Strategy:
- Get him alone for a meeting.
- Ask for his help.
- Go over the facts.
- Get on his good side.
- Find a solution we both like.
- When? Next Wednesday at 2PM after our department meeting.
- Facts:
- Randy convinced me to hide a customer complaint he caused last month.
- He made me to report that we both worked on Saturday, but it was just me.
- He intimidates me into doing his work a few times each week.
- Challenges and barriers:
- Randy might blow up during the meeting.
- I might chicken out and leave.
- He might treat me worse than he treats me now.
- We might run out of time before we resolve anything on Wednesday.
- He might physically attack me.
- How will you handle each of these?
- I’ll let him get angry and then ask him to help me solve the problem.
- If I feel afraid, I’ll focus on my goal and how important it is to handle him NOW.
- If he threatens to treat me worse, I’ll keep asking him for solutions.
- If he gets physical, show no fear. Be ready to use my pepper spray.
- If we run out of time, I’ll schedule another meeting before we leave.
- What steps can you take, in advance, to prepare for each of these?
- Write a report of all his bad acts, but not turn it in.
- I’ll practice what I’ll say to Randy to get him to work with me. I’ll video myself so I can practice until perfect.
- I’ll put my pepper spray in my purse.
- Prepare
- Meeting plan written.
- Report written with two copies.
- Get up at 6:30 AM to get ready and arrive ahead of Randy.
- Handle the situation.
- Meet Randy and face him without flinching.
- Focus on my goal and strategy.
- Go through the meeting plan.
- Explain how his treatment of me needs to stop.
- Go over my report. Promise to not turn it in if he changes his ways.
- If needed, ask him, “How can we solve this” again and again.
- If Randy gets angry, or tries to end the meeting, hold my position.
- Persist
- If I don’t handle Randy during this meeting, schedule another one.
- Review and prepare again before the next meeting.
- Reach my goal.
Sheila’s Meeting with Randy
The next morning in the conference room, Sheila arrived early. She walked up to Randy with her chin high and her eyes locked onto his.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” he asked.
“We need to talk. Please sit down.” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“You’ve tormented me long enough, Randy,” she declared, her voice quivering but firm. “We need to find a solution.”
Randy sneered and came closer to tower over her. “There’s nothing to solve.”
Sheila just looked at him and pointed to a chair. Randy sat.
“I’ve made a decision, Randy. I will not do your work. I will not lie or cover for you. Ever again,” Sheila shot back, her eyes drilling into his. Her voice firm.
A flicker of surprise crossed Randy’s face. “Oh really? What the hell are you talking about?”
Sheila squared her shoulders, her voice steady. “You know exactly what I’m talking about Randy. I’m not taking any more crap from you.” Outside, she looked calm and determined and inside, she was feeling less terrified.
Their confrontation continued as Sheila held her position against Randy’s size, resistance and dominance. He would not admit to doing anything wrong. Neither side was willing to surrender.
Finally, Sheila pulled out her weapon, not her pepper spray, but a piece of paper. “If you don’t knock it off, this is the first report I’ll be submitting. It covers a few of the big lies you’ve made me tell for you. It covers how you bully me into doing your work; work YOU take credit for. This report states I will sue the company if you continue.”
As he read the report, Randy’s face grew pale. His mouth opened like a fish on a hook. “What the . . .?”
“You wouldn’t dare submit this,” he said. But then he looked at her face and saw her eyes were locked onto his. His dominance of her was over. “What do you want Sheila?”
Sheila proposed a truce. “You leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone. Okay?”
Randy’s hard face softened slightly, a glimmer of realization in his eyes. “Perhaps… Perhaps I’ll leave you alone.”
Sheila nodded, relief washing over her. “If you do, I won’t file that report. You can keep that copy.”
“Fine” he muttered, carefully stepping around Sheila as he left the room.
Sheila felt a big smile of triumph take over her face. It lasted all day. She had faced the beast and won.
