Your Worst Enemies, Part Three
Everyone you know fits into one of three categories:
- Those who want you to succeed. These are your friends. You should love, help and support them.
- Those who openly oppose you. These are antisocial enemies, but easy to identify as they do not hide their intentions. You need to face and handle them so they stay out of your way.
- Those who secretly oppose you. These antisocials are your worst enemies. They hide their true intentions and try to look like your friends. They make you suffer in many ways.
Before you can handle this third group, you need to identify them. “Your Worst Enemies, Part One” and “Your Worst Enemies, Part Two” cover some of these characteristics. Here are three more.
Antisocials Do Not Improve
“A characteristic, and one of the sad things about an antisocial personality, is that it does not respond to treatment or reform . . . .” — L. Ron Hubbard
For example, most people find a walk to be refreshing, even therapeutic. An antisocial person sees no benefit.
- “No one actually likes walking, including me.”
- “Going outside makes me sick. All that polluted air is bad for you. People die from breathing this poison.”
- “The crime rate is going up again. So if you go for a walk, carry a pistol.”
No matter how hard you try to help antisocial people, you fail. You think you can help them, and they may pretend you are succeeding. But in the end, the antisocial smashes your hopes.
As another example, you work at a health club and believe you can help anyone get into shape. Most of your clients are delighted to lose weight and feel stronger. But a small percentage of your clients prove you are wrong and ruin your day.
- “I tried high-intensity training. Ha! That’s ridiculous. I’d rather be fat like you.”
- “You think everyone likes your yoga class? I think they’re just looking for sex.”
- “I heard cardio classes have actually given people heart attacks, so I’m not coming.”
Antisocials Do Not Change Bad Behaviors
“It is often enough to point out unwanted conduct to a social personality to completely alter it for the better.” — L. Ron Hubbard
As a manager, you sometimes need to change unwanted conduct of your group members. For example, you notice Jill and Jane are both shopping online during work hours.
You say to Jill, “Please don’t shop during work hours.”
Jill says, “Okay.” She never shops during work hours again.
You say to Jane, “Please don’t shop during work hours.”
Jane says, “Why not? Everyone else does, right? Don’t you sometimes? Anyway, I was doing research.” Jane is openly hostile.
If Jane is secretive, she says, “Okay” she continues to shop as soon as your back is turned. She might also pretend to help you by reporting other employees who shop during work hours.
Antisocials Do Not Criticize Themselves
“Self-criticism is a luxury the antisocial cannot afford.” “Only the sane, well-balanced person tries to correct his conduct.” — L. Ron Hubbard
For example, a man gets home from work and sees his 7-year-old son standing near a broken vase. He asks, “Who broke the vase? Did you break it?”
His son says, “Nope.”
The father immediately clenches his fists and yells, “Don’t lie to me boy! I know you did it!”
But then the man’s wife comes in with a broom and says, “I need to clean up the vase I broke.”
A social-personality father says, “I’m sorry, son” and gives him a hug. “I’ll trust you next time, okay? Sorry again. Want to get some pizza for dinner?”
However, an anti-social father yells at his wife, “What? You broke it? Are you covering up his lie?”
To his son he says, “Well, maybe you were honest this time, but I think you lie all the time.” He then stomps out of the room.
Are You an Antisocial Person?
If you criticize yourself and try to improve your behavior, you are not antisocial.
Of course, you can be pushed into being antisocial temporarily. BUT, once you realize what you are doing, do you try to change into a social personality?
You can be more social by doing the opposite of antisocials.
- Be specific. Instead of saying, “No one agrees with you” or “Everyone hates this job” you state the facts. “Andrew and Jeff do not agree with you on the ad campaign.” “Marge and Kim hate cleaning the office kitchen.”
- Pass on good news and facts. Avoid sharing bad news, rumors or invented facts. “Yes, I heard that story about Mayor Karyn, but I looked it up. It’s only 10% true. I also found out she’s the one who finally got the river cleaned up. After 40 years of toxic water, we can swim in it again!”
- Constantly improve yourself, your reactions and your behavior. “Don’t worry about waking me with your truck each morning. I’m more patient these days, so go ahead and do whatever you need to do, okay?”
The fact that you are reading this article is additional proof you want to be a better person. You have a social personality!
Read next: “Your Worst Enemies, Part Four.“